ALL THINGS NORMAL

For me, I would like to read something from the question 'what is normal to you?'" Taken literally, what's "normal" is something that conforms to a generally-accepted standard, something that is typical or expected. The word has always made me flinch, quite frankly, because it's often used to justify all kinds of prejudice, especially homophobia. When people think that what's "normal" ought to be the way things are, then society tends to pound down those who stick out or don't fit in. On the surface, I suppose, I appear as a completely normal person. The way I look, the way I dress, the way I behave in public -- none of these generally provoke raised eyebrows. Yet all my life I never felt like I belonged anywhere; in many ways, I still don't. I've always felt that I was too idealistic, perhaps too sensitive, and that maybe I was born in the wrong time. Even as a kid I felt that I thought too much about the way things were, about things I couldn't change. So what's normal to me are my routines. That when I wake up I brush my teeth and shower and that before I go off to bed I read a book or a magazine. That at about 5 pm every day my husband and I ask each other "what do you want to do for dinner?" and that we go back and forth about the question as we refill our dog's food bowl. What's normal to me is that sometime during the day (or, more accurately, at night) I will get on my computer, read my email, go online to check the news, my blog. And, ever since I can remember, I stay up late and almost never fall asleep before midnight because I've always believed that evenings were magical and couldn't be wasted. I don't know if anyone would describe me as abnormal or freakish, but I'm reminded now of a conversation I was having with a few of my college classmates sometime late last year. One of us, someone who's known me for a long time, said with emphasis "Ay si Beth, iba ang kulo (That Beth, she ticks differently)." The only thing I thought at that moment was: If she only knew how much.